"Few criminals...regard themselves as bad men. They are just as human as you and I. So they rationalize, they explain. They can tell you why they had to crack a safe or be quick on the trigger finger. Most of them attempt, by a form of reasoning, fallacious or logical, to justify their anti-social acts even to themselves, consequently stoutly maintaining that they should never have been imprisoned at all." -Lewis Lawes (from How to Win Friends and Influence People)
I often see this with employees who find themselves in trouble. When I need to write about an employee where using a name will be helpful I will refer to Peter Bishop (yes, that is an homage to the character played by Joshua Jackson in the television series Fringe). And just let me digress for a moment to state an obvious fact: Joshua Jackson has to be one of the most attractive men to ever grace the silver screen! Back tot he task at hand...
So an employee who finds themselves in trouble will rarely understand what they have done to find themselves in a situation. I am reminded of a time that an employee was terminated during their probationary period, at the termination meeting her supervisor said that the termination was due, in part, to her poor attitude. The employee replied "I don't have a [expletive] attitude." It was apparent to me why the supervisor thought the employee had an attitude problem, though not to the employee. The employee later told me that she worked harder than the other employees in her work group, that she was being penalized for taking breaks that she was entitled to (she was right - VA employees are entitled to two 15-minute paid breaks and one 30-minute unpaid lunch break during their shift). The employee also had some leave issues, though they were secondary with regard to the termination.
So did the employee feel she deserved to be terminated? No, of course she didn't; but that didn't change the situation.
I try to explain to supervisors when I first meet them (and hopefully this is not in a disciplinary meeting) that it is often best to address issues like this quickly, competently and with tact and sensitivity. Supervisors, however, are just as human as you and I and often find it easier to criticize and condemn rather than trying to understand and correct. Supervisors should always be willing to meet with the union rep prior to issuing disciplinary action or when facing issues with troubled employees. This is because a union representative has much greater flexibility in handling issues than supervisors. Supervisors are bound by strict rules of conduct and action imposed upon them by the agency; an union rep, however, can take the employee out to lunch or out for a beer after work and spend some time trying to understand where the employee is coming from in a non-adversarial atmosphere. Someone who feels cornered by their supervisor and is facing disciplinary action will often feel the fight-or-flight response. They are likely to behave irrationally, lash out, or say or do things they would not do under normal circumstances. Having a union rep in the room with them, someone who is clearly on their side - right or wrong - helps to mitigate this response and allows the employee to logically process the situation.
"I have enough trouble overcoming my own limitations without fretting over the fact that God has not seen fit to distribute evenly the gift of intelligence." -John Wanamaker
This quote strikes a chord with me. It is easy to walk into any situation when representing the bargaining unit thinking you know it all and can't be wrong. This is rarely a useful posture when you are at the bargaining table and the negotiating team on the other side of the table has the exact attitude. Rather than judge those you deem to be your "opponent" or think they are stupid, lazy, pretentious; try to understand that the only person in the room whose faults you can manage are your own. Remember that you didn't always "know it all," and you certainly don't now.
People do not criticize themselves for anything, no matter how wrong it may be. Criticism is futile and dangerous. Criticism is futile and dangerous. By criticizing we do not make lasting changes and often incur resentment.
Many phrases I have heard from supervisors talking to employees go something like this "You are not well liked," "You have a poor attitude," "You are pushy," "You are disrespectful." None of these criticisms do not serve the supervisors purpose and often have the opposite effect: creating stress, resentment and poor performance from an employee who feels they are under attack.
Recently I met with Peter Bishop and his supervisor; there was so much tension in the room that you could cut it with a knife. Peter initially got along with his supervisor, however one correction (what Peter felt were criticisms) after another led Peter to feel cornered, undervalued and attacked. There were many unsaid items of contention in the room and I was trying to move Peter and his supervisor toward agreeing to participate in a mediation program to resolve their issues. Unfortunately we weren't the only three in the room and another supervisor decided to open the can of worms. Needless to say, it got ugly. Peter finally lashed out and stated "you're a dirty supervisor." Obviously this wasn't helpful. Addressing the issues in mediation would have allowed for a non-adversarial environment where the parties could have voiced their concerns with the help of a professional mediator who could have kept the parties on a neutral and mutually respectful plane. It is hard to back someone into a corner and then try to have a calm conversation with them. Instead of deescalating the situation it is now more serious, likely with some sort of disciplinary or adverse action on the horizon. Peter's options now are either to back away from the ledge, forgive the past, apologize to his supervisor and try to get to mediation or go with the nuclear option of trying to bring down as many people as he can with him. Criticisms lobbed by the supervisor in the meeting will turn out to be dangerous - if Peter decides to fight, it is very likely the supervisor will face stress, criticism, damage their reputation; additionally this adversarial and toxic relationship will harm the entire work group, drag down morale and adversely impact patient care.
"As much as we thirst for approval we dread condemnation." - Hans Selye
I find it strange how people will often times try to shrug off compliments or kudos while holding so tightly to condemnation. Perhaps it is because criticism is so much easier to dole out than praise. Criticism is toxic, the person doing the criticizing holds onto something until they decide to share it with their target, sure the criticizer feels better for having "unloaded" but the stress will only increase, and now the toxin has been shared with someone else.
Telling someone "good job" is often a great way to acknowledge that you appreciate the efforts of others. One should endeavor to take common and general praise to the next level. Instead of telling Peter he is doing a good job, perhaps you could say something like "Peter I just wanted to let you know that I received a lot of great feedback about the way you interact with patients; in fact Mr. Smith was exceptionally satisfied with the way you explained his medications to him and his wife and now they both understand the importance of taking all of the medications on time every day; that really will make a difference in Mr. Smith's health - keep up the good work." Detailed praise will stick with the person receiving it, they will not think of it as insincere and will engender respect and good will.
Trying a different approach: do not speak with a lot of authority down to people when you are trying to get them to do something - they will likely temporarily comply with sullen acceptance and then revert to non-compliance when you leave. Instead, find out why they are not complying, remind them that they will benefit from compliance. Make compliance that serves them, not you. This will result in increased compliance with no resentment or emotional upset.
In a hospital setting the obvious comparison is hand-washing and patients in isolation. Our infection control nurse at Boise VA has this approach down to a science. She doesn't go around and tell employees "you are required to wash your hands," or "you must adhere to isolation protocols when entering a room with an isolation patient." Instead she explains how pervasive germs can be, she explains that not only are hand-washing and isolation protocols good for the patient but also for the employee. "Just think," she might say "if we didn't wash our hands and observe isolation protocols, many more patients would be infected, making your job so much more difficult." Or she might say "It is important to wash your hands and observe isolation protocols because you certainly don't want to take these germs home to your family or make yourself sick." This way she accomplished her goal (to get employees to adhere to infection control protocols) without ever having to cite agency directives. She makes doing the right/safe thing personal to each employee. Perhaps this is why the Boise VA has one of the highest flu vaccination rates in the country.
Criticisms are like homing pigeons, they always return home. Remember that the person we are going to correct and condemn will likely justify themselves, and condemn us in return. Like William Taft said, upon leading the GOP to its most crushing political defeat in history: "I don't see how I could have done any differently from what I have."
You can watch any number of debates that get out of control on YouTube, for a good example check out this video clip. Did either side get their point across? Nope. It is important to remember that you will not accomplish your goals by acting rude, disrespectful, shouting or using profanity. While it is often difficult it is important to try and put yourself in the other person's shoes. In this clip over the border crisis both sides want to solve the problem of security and illegal immigration, they simply disagree on the method. Imagine how much could be accomplished if they were to sit in a room and calmly discuss their differences while keeping their goals in mind.
"With malice for none, with charity for all." - Abraham Lincoln
This one speaks for itself; and it is perhaps the hardest thing to maintain for any length of time. It is so easy to slip into resentment, to fight back and condemn those who disagree with you. Sometimes all an employee needs is to go tot he union office, vent their frustrations to a rep, and just "get it out." If the union rep can help the employee see their situation from all perspectives this becomes an opportunity to stop a problem before it even starts. It reminds me of the quote "I could never hate anyone I knew," by Charles Lamb.
When Mrs. Lincoln and others spoke harshly of southerners during the Civil war, Lincoln replied: "Don't criticize them; they are just what we would be under similar circumstances."
Classic example of putting yourself in their shoes. If the supervisor can understand the employee and how they feel, and the employee can understand where the supervisor is coming from and why they are doing what they are doing then the door opens to a different sort of conversation: reconciliation, healing and dialogue. Too often union representatives and supervisors focus on the paperwork, the regulation, the contract. Sometimes if we can strip all that away and speak as human beings an issue can be resolved in a spirit of partnership and collaboration rather than adversarial action and litigation.
Sharp criticisms and rebukes almost always end in futility.
What did Peter Bishop gain when he called his supervisor "dirty?" Nothing. He felt better for a moment, he "got it out." But what did he gain? Did he get respect from his supervisor, did he advance his point, did he illicit sympathy and consideration for his position? No. Once the union rep lost control of that meeting and the hair started flying there was no hope of gaining any ground. The meeting ended abruptly with elevated emotions, hurt feelings and an exasperated union rep.
Do you know someone you would like to change and regulate and improve? Great! But why not begin with yourself? From a purely selfish standpoint improving yourself is much more profitable than trying to improve others - and a lot less dangerous.
This reminds me a version of the Serenity Prayer; it goes like this:
God grant me the serenity
To accept the people I cannot change
Courage to change the one I can
And the wisdom to know its me
We cannot go into a room expecting we are going to change the stubborn supervisor, the indignant employee; we can only change how we handle the situation.
"Don't complain about the snow on your neighbors roof when your own doorstep is unclean." - Confucius
This one is obvious, don't you think? If you point out the failings of others the first thing they will do is point out your own. What does it serve to point out the faults of others? They are likely already aware of their shortcomings (as you are aware of your own) and embarrassing them by pointing them out will certainly encourage them to resist you at every turn.
If we want to stir up resentment tomorrow that will rankle across time and endure until death just let us indulge a little stinging criticism - no matter how certain we are that it is justified.
The fact that I remember the name of the 7th grade English teacher who told me I was lazy should say something about what happens when you criticize someone. Of course that criticism gave me motivation to go on and win a poetry competition that year; however all I wanted to do (and even still!) was to rub it in her face. This will hold true for employees and supervisors, and will only poison relationships.
People are not logical, they are creatures of emotion, bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.
People want to be liked, they want to be right, they want to win and they want to vanquish their enemies. I often encounter this when I am representing employees who feel wronged. They don't want to just be made whole, they don't just want the action (whatever it is) corrected and made right they wand to punish the person who they feel is responsible - they want their pound of flesh. Every effort should be made to explain to an employee that unions are not in the business of extracting vengeance, but protecting the bargaining unit and the contract. We can't push the "big red button" every time someone gets pissed off and wants to hurt someone back. A union who goes to the wall for every situation, regardless of how petty, will soon find that they can accomplish little on the important issues.
Benjamin Franklin who was hot-headed in his youth, became so diplomatic and proficient at handling people that he was named Ambassador to France. "I will speak ill of no man," he said "and speak all the good I know of everybody."
Again, this speaks to recognizing the good qualities of an individual. Walking into a disciplinary meeting is always a tense situation; a good way to relax the atmosphere is to comment on the good qualities of the people int he room before you get to unpleasant business. More than small talk - real talk.
Any fool can criticize - and most fools do.
It takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.
"I will bite my tongue when impatient words come." -Livingston Larned, from Father Forgets
Instead of condemning people, try to understand them. Try to figure out why they do what they do. That is a lot more profitable and intriguing that criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness.
"To know all is to forgive all." - French Proverb
"God himself, sir, does not propose to judge man until the end of his days, why should you and I?" Dr. Samuel Johnson
Principle #1 from How to Win Friends and Influence People: Don't criticize, condemn or complain.It comes down to this: understand that your job as a union rep will always have uncomfortable challenges and encounters; but at the end of the day you are working with human beings and it is in your best interest not to humiliate or embarrass the people you will be working with for a long time to come.
